A short intro

 A short intro.

Characterize my stutter;

My stutter can be a bully, think Regina George from Mean Girls, it likes to try to intimidate me and make me feel afraid of life because it is afraid of life. It likes to think of itself as the boss of my life and that it has control over me.

It is always there, waiting for me to mess up, it sits in the vocal cords and in my mind and plays there, using me as its catalyst for power.

But it also likes me, that’s why it sticks around. It likes the way it makes me feel, good and bad.

I'm not sure I'd call it a friendship, but when we get along, we're like Ron and Hermione at the start of the Harry Potter series.

When I was a child, my stutter used to own me, but now at 23, I have learned how to show it who’s in control. I show it that it has no reason to make me scared and that it can’t hide me away anymore because life isn’t scary. Life is worth living, life is an adventure.

And my voice deserves to be heard.

What I’ve learned from my stutter;

I have learnt that I will always stutter, it is a part of me that will always be there if or not I want it to be. It is a part of me, just as much as I am a part of it and without each other, the other cannot survive.

As I continue this blog, sharing more of my journey with you, it will become more obvious why, even though I struggle with my stutter, I would never choose to get rid of it.

The challenges I come across because I stutter;

The challenges I face every day because of my stutter range from big to small.

The big ones include just general adulting things, like using the phone to call about anything official, a job interview, introducing myself to a stranger, or talking to a stranger in general.

The small ones include talking to someone I don’t know that well and that I haven’t really stuttered in front of before, ordering food, and talking in front of a big group of people.

How do I see myself as I move forward with my relationship with my stutter;

My relationship with my stutter has always been fraught, as I have said before. But also, as I have said before, my stutter and I are slowly becoming friends. I don’t want to hate myself and my stutter, I want it to be a friend and to not feel the need to control me or my life.

I'd like to teach it how to be calm and collected, but I also want it to be autonomous. I want to give it the impression that it is in charge, but then I want to tighten the reins and scold it, because that keeps things interesting. I want to keep it on its toes as much as it keeps me on its toes.

But, above all, I want to be able to share my stuttering experience with others. I want My Stutter and I to be protagonists in the same story, not as two characters, but as my life's main character.