'Lost in my own goldfish bowl'

This poem is based on a conversation I had with my mother after learning I had a stutter.

(Even when I’m not writing poetry, I rhyme).

Photo by Rheyan Glenn Dela Cruz Manggob from Pexels

One day, say back 2006, my mother and I were talking about what it was like to have a stutter and how it made me feel. I came up with the phrase ‘Lost in my own goldfish bowl’ (I know; very profound for a young child).

It's difficult to get lost in your goldfish bowl; the place where you should feel safe and secure becomes unfamiliar and stressful. That was how I felt as a child, navigating my life with a stutter, already feeling small and insignificant, and when you try to speak, you become lost in the world around you.

You suddenly become a spectacle, with everyone expecting you to speak but your stutter preventing you from doing so. Your life is laid out in front of you as a child, and it should be exciting, but this poem depicts a child's fear of not being able to live a full life because of their stutter.

(Fun fact; My family and I, ironically, have owned over five goldfish...I hope that none of them ever felt lost) 

Lost in my own goldfish bowl

When I was a child,
my world was so small,
not much bigger than me,
yet I struggled to breathe.

I felt like a fish,
swimming in a bowl,
round and round I went,
not knowing where to go.

With my world so small,
it’s hard to believe,
that I felt so lost,
yet I was held captive,
held captive by my speech.

I opened my mouth,
as I faced the world,
I closed my mouth,
not uttering a word.

I wished I was gold,
so shiny and bright,
my story untold,
my hand poised to write.

The top of the tank,
is where I float,
lying so still,
as my mouth stays closed.

Me in my fishbowl (Its okay you can laugh, I know I did)