'The Silence'

This poem describes how I feel when I block on a word. 

Blocks and repetitions are the most difficult aspects of my stutter, but blocks are particularly difficult for me. Blocks are challenging because there is almost never any sound coming out, and I feel as if my throat is simply trapping my words inside my mouth.
I chose the word silence to describe the silence that occurs when I am blocking but also how my stutter can sometimes cause me to remain silent. When I stutter feel that there is a separation between what I want to say and how my body will allow me to say it.
I cannot stutter if I do not speak and sometimes it is easier not to speak when I know I will stutter. And that is okay. The silence can be a welcome relief from the struggle to get my words out.
Sometimes it is okay if I choose silence, as long as I remind myself that my voice is still worthy of being heard when I do decide to speak again.

The Silence

My heart aches with all the words I could say,

yet my throat stays closed,

keeping me silent,

I remain compliant.

The silence of my stutter,

the undesired uttering of my stumbles and breaks,

my voice begins to shake,

as my words are chained.

When I open my mouth,

and no words come out,

my stutter has won,

and me?

I remain silent

The voice in my head is so eager to escape,

but my throat fills with dread,

as I remain silent.

My stutter sneers at me,

it is always waiting,

watching,

quiet as can be,

until I begin to speak,

all the blocking and hesitations,

the obvious separation,

between mind and mouth,

no words coming out,

the ever-present silence.

Sometimes it do be like that