Those Bad Days

 Some days are just hard and that’s just it! 

I’m talking about those days where you wake up feeling fine and then, ever so slowly, your mind starts to whir and your thinking becomes more negative as the day goes on and all you can feel is every kind of awful! Your inner critic starts to speak up and gets louder and louder until you feel like your head is going to explode! Your intrusive thoughts are dancing around your head while your heart and your gut are aching. Those days are hard!

Me having one of those days!

I’ve had a few days like that recently so, naturally, I want to write about them. But I'd also like to share some advice that helped me get out of my rut. So, if you're feeling under the weather or don't think you can handle a discussion about depressive moods and anxiety, please skip to the bottom, where you'll hopefully find some helpful tips and coping strategies.  

Given that this is a blog discussing my stutter, I’ll talk about my recent struggle with my stutter. I talked a bit about this over on my Instagram (@mystutterandi) but I’ll just give ye the basics; I was invited to a party last week and I was feeling anxious to go because I knew there would be new people there and I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it. But I went and it was, overall, a relatively positive experience. I introduced myself to someone and I did stutter but he was very sweet about it and he waited for me to finish.  

So, I was feeling good, but then my negative self-talk came in. I'm not sure why, but I started berating myself for stuttering; it had nothing to do with how this person reacted to me, but it was because I took a little longer to say my name. And, of course, my mind went into overdrive, and I began to worry that because of my stutter, I would never make new friends, get a job, or travel. I began to judge myself against my fluent peers. I began to compare myself to the people on television who could introduce themselves with ease. I could feel my voice shrink back inside of me.

And I'm writing this at the end of a particularly trying couple of days. However, my perspective has shifted and I am feeling a lot more positive.

Me at my happiest (in the sun and having lunch with a friend)

I firstly just want to mention that I am in no way a professional and cannot offer psychological support so please reach out to someone you trust if you are struggling with your own mental health.

If you are Irish, here are some other points of contact where you can find support;

• Text HELLO to 50808 - a free, confidential 24/7 national crisis-intervention text-message service. 
• Freephone 116 123 for Samaritans - a registered charity aimed at providing emotional support to anyone in distress or at risk of suicide
• Mymind - provides counselling and psychotherapy face to face and online, with 120 mental health professionals in different languages.
• The Irish Stammering Association - a charitable organisation providing information and support to people who stammer in Ireland

Here are some tips that I tried this week which really helped me get through; hopefully they might help you out too if you're feeling stuck; 

1.  Feel your feelings, go through the motions, accept that this is a bad day, cry if you have to and remind yourself you are human.
2. Never underestimate the value of laughing, either by yourself by watching a movie or tv or with friends over a cuppa or a cocktail.
3. Go to your happy place, whether that's in your mind through medidatation or making the journey down to a beach you like
4. Remind yourself of your community, in this case, it’s the stuttering community because they get you and they have your back.

And remember,

Photo by Lisa