Below the Surface by Bevin Murphy

 This poem is a product of me doing what I do best; scrolling on Instagram! And through my scrolling I came across a post about the iceberg analogy. And this post got me thinking about my blog post about the iceberg analogy which lead me to reread  said blog post. 

This poem is really just that said blog post summarized in less than 130 words. It's the idea that when you are stuttering, the person who you are conversing only sees what is on your face and only hears what is coming out of your mouth. But there are so many other things under the surface, so many other feelings, some of which I choose to hide from others but I cannot deny them. The mix between negative feelings and positive feelings. And the idea that the only thing I can do is to keep talking, keep speaking up, until I can’t speak up anymore because my stutter becomes too much for me to cope with. (You know those times when you are blocking so much that almost every word you say makes you catch your breath?!) But also knowing and remembering that I have a voice and that my words are worth waiting for no matter how long it takes me to speak and so I can try again the next day. And keep on keeping on. 

Photo by Stefan Stefancik from Pexels

Below the Surface

Above the surface is all you see,
the stumbles and shakes of my speech,
below the surface is everything else,
the parts that I can only see myself.

Under water lie my secrets,
the feelings that I choose to hide,
the truth I can’t deny.

I float through the ocean,
a spectacle on the horizon,
so visible to the naked eye,
the rest of me keeping quiet.

The vastness of the underneath,
my everchanging perception of my speech,
the invisible pain shame and anxiety,
mixed with knowing that my words are worthy.

As my body moves through the water,
my words keep pushing me forward,
almost to the brink,
But I know my words are worthy,
and that I refuse to sink.