Uncomfortable; A Poem

I don't think stuttering is linear.
It is not consistent.
It's not dependable.
I find that I never stutter the same way twice. 
I have days where my stutter does not come into the forefront of my mind. At all.
I have days where all I think about it is my stutter and it makes me uncomfortable and awkward. 
Below is a poem that reflects on those days.

Uncomfortable

Today I do not like my stutter,

I do not like the shapes I need to form,

or the sounds I need to make,

in order to get my words out.

I am uneasy in my throat,

my tongue twisting this way and that, my stutter sits inside me,

making me uncomfortable.

I cannot let go of my desire to be fluent,

to speak without struggle,

to not get lost in how I speak,

but to take joy in what I say instead.

I feel awkward in my stutter,

in the way people look at me, as my words come out slowly.

My thoughts are always so fluent ,

my words sometimes disjointed,

sometimes it’s hard to not feel like a disappointment.